


Who Are You Now?

by randomrambler



Series: Who, What, Why, How. [1]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Established Relationship, Inspired by the Malec teaser, M/M, Magnus without magic, Not much of Alec, Set after 3x10
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-19
Updated: 2018-11-19
Packaged: 2019-08-26 00:43:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 769
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16671499
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/randomrambler/pseuds/randomrambler
Summary: Magnus is caught off guard by his reaction to not having his magic anymore.





	Who Are You Now?

**Author's Note:**

> This is just a little something that came to me while listening to "I'll Be Good" by Jaymes Young. It's very angsty and very short. I hope you enjoy reading it!

Staring at his reflection in the mirror, Magnus tries to call up his signature cat eyes, the things that he spent so much time and effort concealing from so many people over the last 400 years, the eyes that he shared with his father, Asmodeus. He tried now, and failed. Funny, he remembered a time when he would have given anything to have this cursed warlock blood lifted from him. In those days, he cried himself to sleep so many nights, praying to God and all the angels in heaven, that he would wake up one morning and not see those eyes looking back at him, or feel the power humming in his blood. He'd spent many years in secret, searching for a way to get rid of his demonic half, or at the very least, a way to make the glamour permanent. As time passed, he had slowly accepted the fact that he was bound to this darkness, that it was not only a part of him but rather, who he was. 

In the beginning of that period of realisation, Magnus had jumped headfirst into the evil that called to him from his father's side of the family. He let Asmodeus lead him and wield him as a weapon in his battles against other demons and his quest for dominance and in his reckless disregard for human life. Magnus hadn't cared then, once he accepted that he was the monster he'd always feared. He could barely remember past the feeling of hopelessness and the emptiness that resided where his immortal heart was meant to. 

Shaking his head now, he looks at his reflection in the mirror, there are no cat eyes, and yet he doesn't feel the relief he'd always imagined would follow this moment. He couldn't feel his power or that of all the other warlocks in the vicinity as he usually did, and all he felt in this moment was weak and alone, so alone. Logically, he knew that he wasn't really alone because Alec was still asleep in their bedroom even now, but the cold that surrounded him could not be ignored. This didn't make sense. He shouldn't feel this way about the demonic half of himself that had brought him so much pain and caused so much suffering to others for so many years. He shouldn't be sneaking into the bathroom to stare at himself, hoping that his warlock mark had somehow returned while he wasn't looking. He shouldn't feel so lonely just because he couldn't feel the power beneath his fingertips that he could call on to make his clients' wishes come true. It didn't make sense, and yet, here he stood again, hoping against hope that his magic would return, that Asmodeus had grown bored of having a magically castrated son and released his power back to him. It took him a few more seconds to again accept his new reality – that he was in fact now a mundane human. He had no magic and no hope of magic. He had known when he made the deal that this would bring changes into his life, but of all the changes he'd imagined, he never anticipated missing his power this much. He almost found himself calling out to his father again, this time begging and offering him anything in exchange for the return of his magic. Almost, but he wasn't there yet. 

There was a sudden cold front following the realisation that there might come a moment in time when the powerlessness and the loneliness would become so unbearable that he would reach out to Asmodeus again. Pulling his robe together and shivering slightly, Magnus made the decision to put himself to use in ways that would distract his mind from these thoughts. Breakfast in bed, he decided. Alec had the day off after being impaled by Lilith's demonic agent and they could start off today on a positive note. Making his way to the kitchen he thought that this would be a more frequent occurrence now, him actually using the kitchen to cook rather than brew potions. Deliberately ignoring the shelves of magical supplies, he decides on fresh squeezed orange juice and chocolate chip pancakes with syrup, happy to find at least that he has all the ingredients necessary to make those. Rounding his presentation off with some sliced strawberries and a rose, he takes the tray into the bedroom to surprise Alec. Schooling his features and working even harder to ignore the ever-present chill down his spine and the growing feeling of desolation that now resided where his magic once did.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for taking the time to read it. Leave kudos and comment if you enjoyed it!


End file.
